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March 6, 2007

On the Road to San Antonio Day Three
North and East Bound and Down Edition
By Dennis Michelsen

When the race is over I usually high tail it for home right after the festivities end. But since the folks at San Antonio Speedway believe in doing everything bigger, the show didn't get done until after Midnight! In addition to the outstanding ASA Late Model race won by Colt James we got a full plate of other racing too. My intentions were to make a dash for the border northbound and get at least two or three hours of driving done. But Midnight is well past my bedtime so I barely got out of San Antonio before the sandman started his nightly rounds. Beautiful blue sky replaced all that evil weather I had on the way down so it turned into the most relaxing 1300 mile trip I have ever had in my life.

Starting Point: San Antonio, TX
Quality Inn-Clean and comfy on the north side of town for easy getaway

Poor Planning
While I am not an authority on marketing or food I know a thing or two about common sense. Somewhere in the great state of Texas is a restaurant sign that says, "Old San Francisco Steakhouse." Since when did San Francisco become an authority on steaks? Ghirardelli Chocolates defines San Fran as an expert on chocolates. They also have some good sourdough pretzels. But steaks are not something I think of when I think of San Francisco. Apparently I do know a thing or two about marketing because the Old San Francisco Steakhouse is out of business!

Some Things You See Everywhere
Certain things are universal anywhere in the country. It doesn't matter whether you are in Chicago or Phoenix or Dallas you see the same things because they are universal. Inflatable Gorillas wearing polka dot boxer shorts can always be seen advertising at someone's car dealership and Ugg is seen everywhere along the highway advertising for WeBuyUglyHouses.com! I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I am free to see weird advertising campaigns! (My apologies to Lee Greenwood)

Musical Mania
As I was taking a break to fuel up I ran into some friendly folks in Oklahoma. I asked the first guy if he was from there and he said, "Well I am proud to be an Okie from Muskogee." The second guy introduced himself as Scott from Joplin and apologized that he had to leave since he had a Sting to attend to before resuming his ride. Coincidently the Okie from Muskogee then introduced me to his girl friend Roxanne. Looking at my watch I noticed it was 25 or 6 to 4, Does Anyone Really Know What Time It Is? They left down Thunder Road while I continued my Slow Ride home. Perhaps I have been listening to a little too much music on my Journey.

SPF Not Enough
Does Texas have a different Sun in the sky than I am used to? Usually SPF 15 is good enough o keep me from burning but apparently someone changed the rules! I joked about this to one of the Texans there and he said, "Boy you ain't got SPF enough around here."

Everything Bigger in Texas
Do Texans just feel like they have to do everything bigger? In the great state of Texas every single road is made to intersect at the same point leading to the use of the tallest bridges I have ever seen! On one of the bridges as I changed roads I had to slow down after getting a nosebleed. Apparently I failed to maintain minimum speed and got pulled over by the Texas Rangers. Sheriff Buford T Pusser told me that Texas law demands that if I am going to slow down I have to slam on my breaks I can't slow down gradually. How was I to know?

Oklahoma Wine Experts
As I was driving down the road I was puzzled to see so many wineries advertising along the roadway in the great state of Oklahoma. I never realized this climate was ideal for grape growing and in fact the parched landscape is not capable of growing much at all right now in the middle of a serious drought. One winery even advertised as being the "Number one Native American winery in the country." Was that among a total of three? Perhaps they served Oklahoma wines at the Old San Francisco Steakhouse!

Final Laps
Nothing is stranger than being stuck behind a trailer in Texas traffic being snorted at by five angry bulls! Perhaps they are PBR bound and were upset because they weren't mentioned on www.racetalkradio.com last week!

Why do Texas and Oklahoma drivers have so much trouble finish a pass? Word to the wise…if you are nervous about passing a truck you should be even more nervous to ride side by side with that truck when you lose your nerve to make the pass!

Upon further review it is time to update anatomy books for our present times. It is clear to me after 2700 miles of driving that the cell phone is attached to the right foot on most people! If the cell phone is raised to the ear the right foot pulls up off the accelerator!

Final Destination-Rolla, MO
Best Western-Clean and warm after a long day on the road. Don't laugh but the Sirloin Stockade next door had great food too!